A JangLabs^® Production

Here are some samples from my "collection" to whet your - er - appetite.

If you have any good ones, please mail to iljun@jang.com 

Fascinating Story

The teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word "fascinate."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "good, but I wanted the word "fascinate."
Litte Iljunny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Iljunny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him.
Iljunny said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only "fasten 8."

Someone tell me what the big deal is here

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face
close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard
which is full and bushy. "Are you the manager?" she asks,
softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me? - I need to speak to him." she says,
running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily,
popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck
them gently.
"Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room!"....

Ideas for your next answering machine message

1) Hello, you've reached Yongwan and Yoonjeong. We can't pick up the
phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Yoonjeong
likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...
real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our
teeth we'll get back to you, you dirty minded bastard.

2) Hi, this is Sunghoon. If you are the phone company, I 've already
sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you
are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female,
don't worry, I have plenty of money.

3) Hi, I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, its you.

4) Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain
silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

5) (Sexy female voice with heavy panting) Hi, you've reached
398-9381. Jun is in (sigh) Oh no, he's out (aah) Yes, he's in
again,(ooh) No he's out (aah) Why don't you just leave your name and
number and he'll call you as soon as he... comes.

This monkey must have come from McK...inley. As in the mountain in Washington.

A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking to buy a monkey. The
store owner points toward three identical monkeys in
politically-correct, animal-friendly, natural mini-habitats. "The one on
the left cost $500," says the store owner. "Why so much?" asks the
customer. "Because it can program in C," answers the store owner.
The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told, "That one
cost $1500, because it knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational
technology."
The startled man then asks about the third monkey. "That one costs
$3000," answers the store owner. "3000 dollars!!" exclaims the man.
"What can that one do?"

To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen it do a single thing,
but it calls itself a 'Consultant'."

Just in time for baseball season:

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run...run!
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick brogue: "R-r-r-un yah bahstard. R-r-run!"
A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams, "R-r-r-un ya bahstard, r-r-run, will ya!"
The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the umpire calls a walk the Scotsman stands up yelling, "R-r-r-un ya bahstard, r-r-run."
All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused.
A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment, whispers "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls."

After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk wi' pr-r-ride, mahn!"

More to come soon...